Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'm Hurting and Nobody Cares

Yeah, some topic.

Ever hear that announcement (ad?) where they talk about this guy (Jack Thomas) who almost makes it through a freezing night, but didn't because those (and they list several individuals who were going to, but didn't, do something (volunteer) to help him? Example: work at a food kitchen, donate used clothes, etc.

I hate to hear that advertisment, or whatever it is. I feel like crying, I'm upset, and usually tune it out. Why? Because I have this nagging feeling that maybe I haven't done enough.

I'll be honest. Many times in our ministry, I feel overwhelmed with all we have to do. I feel depressed at times. I'm torn between loving the job and hating it. Why anyone in their right mind would seek it, is beyond me. But there are joys and satisfaction in parts of it. I love the fellowship, the times when we've ministered and its been effective.

So why do I always feel like I don't do enough? Why is there always this "thing" that pushes me to do more, work harder, take on one more thing? Am I a Type A personality? Am I stubborn? Or is it just stupidity that doesn't know when to stop?

Why do I feel so keenly? Hurt when my friends lose a mother? Hurt when a critique partner gets two rejections on a story that won prestigious contests? Why do I hurt when Molly--the old (and getting older all the time) arthritic chow dog stands and looks in my window at the rest of us in the warm house? (She's always been an outside dog, but guiltily, I run and get her a dog treat. Go away, Molly. Stop it, Molly. I can't stand you doing that.)

Yeah, there's a lot of people out there who are hurting. Some show it, some don't. My heart aches. Do I really, really care? Or am I tuning them out? Am I really doing enough?

Winter Hints
for those with fussy heat:
  • Leave your toothpaste and deodorant in the fridge, so it won't freeze overnight
  • Have a shower at night, that way if the pipes freeze you'll be reasonably clean the next day.
  • Keep a bag of gravel in the boot of your car. You can throw it under your tires for extra traction in the ice. Alternatively you can use your car mats.
  • Keep an old pair of socks ready for icy days. You can put them over your shoes for extra traction

There are times when encouragement means such a lot. And a word is enough to convey it. --Grace Stricker Dawson


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