Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Wanted: A Mom


Who on earth would want this job?

Faces of mother and child; detail of sculpture at Soldier Field, Chicago, Illinois, USA.





Position:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Momma, Ma


Job Description:
Long term team player for challenging work in a chaotic environment. Must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours (including evening and weekends, also 24 hour shifts occasionally). Some overnights required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends. Travel expenses not reimbursed. Courier duties required.


Responsibilities:
The rest of your life: must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Must have the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in 3 seconds flat, just in case the screams from the back yard aren't someone crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must be able to screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product testing of half a million broken cheap toys and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final complete accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility


Female mallard duck and ducklings.


Possibility for advancement and promotion:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.


Previous experience:

None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a continual exhausting basis.


Goat Family in Australia


Wages and Compensation:
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could do more.


A little girl with dimples

Benefits:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no holidays, and no stock options are offered, this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you play your cards right!


A celebratory cookie.





Okay, okay. Here's a trivia question for all you cooks out there. Betcha can't guess it! Oh, yeah. Let me know if you've used these eggs before!
What type of egg will yield 11 and one-half average-size omelettes?




Here are a few special things you can do with your child, regardless of her age. Have fun!:
Swim
Read aloud to each other
Go on a picnic
Buy watermelons—eat as often and much as you want!
Bike riding
Do a project together: sewing, cooking, gardening, making candles, sculpting with clay
Hike to a waterfall
Help the kids sew something easy: skirts, tops, or pajama bottoms
Put up the hummingbird feeder and watch them dart in and out, and fight in the air (they really do!)
Go to the art museum
Take an herb identification walk or plant an herb garden
Watch DVDs or videos of classic books
See a parade
Go the library every week
Let each child take a turn making whatever they want for dinner (as long as it is healthy!)
Work on our family photos and scrapbooks
Roast corn in its husk on the campfire
Take pictures of a rainbow


Quote:
The heart that loves is always young. -- a Greek proverb

Blessings.







2 comments:

Belinda said...

I have been coming to grips with all of this lately. I have new respect for mothers. Wish I would have been a better daughter. Working a job out in the public was a lot easier. :) I am happy to be a stay-at-home mom, though.

Caroline said...

Yep, nothing like being a mom. Hard, hard work, but the best job in the world. Don't think I appreciated it then, but now . . .