I thought this was hilarious! Thanks go again to Margie for sending this to me.
Don't we all hate the thoughts of aging? I mean, why else all the face cream and masks? The constant mirror inspections? And why, oh, why, do the men get all the breaks? Sure, he should open the doors for us so we can enter (better to risk getting shot at in some of our stores, at least we'll go to our eternal rewards first!) But, hey, why should we be first to get the wrinkles and gray hair? I ask you, is that fair? No way, says I. I've never talked to God about this--wonder if it would do any good?
But let me tell you. What's the alternative? Uh, I guess I'll take the getting old bit. (Groan)
But anyway, regardless what I think about it, this article is good for a hearty laugh. Enjoy.
"Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder) Here's how it manifests:
I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm and I decide I should put it in the refriderator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered.
I set the Coke down on the counter and discover my reading glasses I've been searching for all morning. I decide I'd better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water, splash some on the flowers, with most of it spilling on the floor. So I get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
The car isn't washed.
The bills aren't paid.
There's a warm can of Coke still sitting on the counter.
The flowers aren't watered.
There is still only one check in my checkbook.
I can't find my glasses and
I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem. I'll try to get some help for it. First, though, I'll check my email.
Do me a favor, will you? Don't laugh, if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!" (Wicked laugh!)
Growing old is mandatory.
Growing up is optional.
Laughing at yourself is therapeutic.
One thing I forgot to mention yesterday about the reader contest: When you email me or call me, don't forget to give me your address. Some of your addresses I may have, but not everyone.
Here are some cute Christmas wrapping hints:
* Stars Gift Wrap -- wrap gift with either star decorated paper or plain. Tie with a gold or silver ribbon. If using plain paper, glue or stick silver/gold stars on paper. Add a star ornament to the top of gift.
* Same as above, only snowflake gift, use silver paper and white ribbon. Nutcracker--use paper covered with candy and tie with a red ribbon. Angel--use paper covered with angels (or use your imagination. Tie with gold ribbon. Use appropriate ornaments on top!
* Fresh Pine/Mistletoe/Holly gift wrap -- Wrap gift in dark green paper. Tie with burgandy ribbon. Add the small piece of pine, mistletoe, or holly to top. Pine smells wonderful! Mistletoe is romantic. And holly is pretty. (Warning--don't let pets or kids nibble on these items! Poisonous to them.)
* Jingle Bells wrap -- Wrap gift in green paper and tie with a red ribbon. Add two jingle bells to the ends of the ribbon and tie in a knot to secure them.
* One more. Winter White Gift wrap -- Wrap gift in white paper, maybe with some texture in it. Wrap gift with white ribbon (yarn, anything). Complete gift wrap with a white poinsettia flower.
Friendship cheers like a sunbeam; charms like a good story; inspires like a brave leader; binds like a golden chain; guides like a heavenly vision. --Newell Dwight Hillis